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Jan, 2011

Defend Yourself! Sebastian Maniscalco

If you’re a m

Get Your Ex Back Quick

an who enjoys the bliss of a frothy morning latte-–Sebastian Maniscalco thinks you’re one silly goose. He doesn’t have time for that behavior. Nor does he condone it. Maniscalco enjoys his coffee—the way a sailor or an oil driller might—straight-up black. His profound disgust with human behavior has landed him coveted slots on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

So, you’re coming to Boston. Are you ready for it?
Yeah, it’ll be my first time performing in Boston. I’m looking forward to it. I get a lot of emails from Italians up in Boston. I guess my material is hitting home with them. Although I must admit, I’m not too fond of the Patriots.

That’s a shame because Tom Brady got tickets to your show.
Is that right? Should make for an interesting show.

Just kidding! He won’t be there.
[Laughs] Ohh, shit!

You openly loathe men who drink lattes and wear flip-flops. Tons of pretentious people live in the Back Bay, so you may see some offenders here.
Uggh, God. It just bothers me. You can’t escape it. I don’t know what’s happened over the last 15 years. Even at baseball stadiums, you see flip-flops everywhere.

You seem like you’d be fond of smart cars.
Are you kidding me? If you’re a guy and you’re driving a smart car; you really have to look at yourself in the mirror, man. If you see a guy behind the wheel of a smart car, chances are he’s going to step out and have a pair of flip-flops on.

You seem romantic. With Valentine’s Day coming up, do you have any suggestions that may help some of our readers get laid this holiday?
You know what? I think I’m a throw-back. I’m still taking women out on dates. Apparently that’s a lost art. I’m not too suave. I think it’s just important to treat your girl right. Be a gentleman. If that’s possible.

Get Your Ex Back Quick

Would sending a text message requesting a booty-call be inappropriate?
I’ve actually given up on text messaging these days. I’ve gone old school and I’m talking to people now. It’s definitely throwing a lot of people off. I’m actually making phone calls. I’m out there making some human contact. I can’t do the text messaging anymore.

Human contact? That would scare this generation of readers. We can’t handle face-to-face conversations very often. Texting is better.
You’re right. It’s all text. It’s an email. It’s a Facebook. It’s a tweet. I don’t know, with all the time that our people are spending on the Internet, do they even have time to go and do things? You know, other then spend time with themselves and sit on the Internet?

No. We just sit around and tweet to Loni Love all day. Sometimes she responds.
[Laughs] So that’s who does it for you? Loni Love is at the top of your food chain?

She is. Speaking of food, you toured with Vince Vaughn on his “Wild West Comedy Tour.” What his body mass like? Was he the manorexic looking or was he kind of doughy?
No. Actually, we worked out on that tour. If you ever work out with Vince Vaughn, it’s hysterical.

We will probably never work out with Vince Vaughn.
Well, hanging out with him in the gym was hysterical. He would make up these exercises that I’ve never seen. One day when we were at the gym, he was trying to make me laugh and wound up pulling out his back. He was trying to keep in shape on that tour. He was certainly trying, at least. But it didn’t really last long because he got hurt.

[Sebastian Maniscalco at the Wilbur Theatre. Fri 1.28.11. 246 Tremont Street, Boston, 617.248.9700. 730 pm/All Ages/$$$.]